I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
