he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
