why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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