I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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