I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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