I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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