The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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