We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
