The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
