I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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