You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
