While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
