remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
