Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Please don't give away my fajitas
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
