Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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