??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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