Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
