Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
