so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
