god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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