I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
