I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
