Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Randomize