I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
