need another drink. this is the easiest way
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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