Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
