Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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