eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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