While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
