Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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