I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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