Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Randomize
