Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
