I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
