I heard we made out
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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