It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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