i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
