So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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