Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
