pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
