M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
