Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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