i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Be still, my beating vagina.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
