It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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