Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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