I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
