very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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