Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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