When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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