if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize