The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
