i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
