my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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