I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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