Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
