You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
