I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
