Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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