STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
