she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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