maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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