I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
