How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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