Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
