you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
