I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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