I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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