i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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