Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Everything about him screamed your future.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
