i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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